I had nothing to say

Two months ago, my Uncle Scott was diagnosed with two types of stage 4 cancer. It was a pretty shocking revelation and I wasn’t really sure how to take it, so I kind of pushed it out of my head.

A little less than a month ago, we realized that this was progressing faster than expected, and my heart went out to my uncle in Phoenix, but what do you say to a guy who has been given anywhere from weeks to months to live? So I didn’t say anything.

Early last week, things got really bad, Scott had a stroke and we saw his cancer markers double in a week’s time. This time I folded under the pressure and just plain couldn’t bring myself to say what I really wanted to say. I couldn’t get it into words. How do you express gratitude to a guy you saw every other year for a week or two? How do articulately say thank you for just being a smiling face and a caring uncle when that bond is so much stronger than the time you actually got to spend together would seem to allow for?

Scott, i’m sorry I couldn’t get the words out. Maybe a hug would have been even better than stumbling over myself trying to speak. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. I really am. But I hold onto this: I know that you made your peace with God, and I will hold to the promise that the same love that reached through time and space and redeemed me has done the same for you.

At first, it seemed wrong in my mind to take the stage to worship tonight, but no, there is even more reason to sing tonight. I can cry out for the loss, and I can sing for joy because he is experiencing joy now beyond anything I’ve ever known here.

That’s all for now. We’ll see each other again, Scott.

2 Responses to “I had nothing to say”

  1. Daniel,
    I feel/ felt this way exactly too. Thank you for putting my thoughts into words. I’m feeling bad for not saying anything too.
    I love you cousin. Great job at Eikon last night.

  2. Daniel,
    Another beautifully written post.

    And, I agree, Scott’s passing gives us reason to sing.

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